When I started up a blog about my life and my on going struggles with my weight my thought was that I know that I am not the only one out there with these same struggles. I also think that if I put it out there where my friends are reading this I might finally be able to hold myself accountable and keep up on my working out (when I get my workout stuff all together) and my meal portion control. I am going today measure myself and hopefully see them numbers start shrinking!
I started making a cookbook with meals that are not just healthy but that I know what is going in the meals. I also have my 2 cookbooks that I got from LA Weightloss. The great thing with those books are that the meals are great! Lots a flavor but they held you to a nice portion. I wanted to make this cookbook for my family for 2 big reasons, ONE we are not going out to eat TWO we are sitting down as a family and having dinner at home! There is nothing better than that.
Yesterday was my shopping day. I made my list and away I went. I am very proud my oldest daughter she is learning about healthy eating and will ask me all the time if something is healthy. She stuck with me and really never asked about getting to much “junk food”. Now she is a kid and she did some things but not much. So I think that if I can change my ways and get back on an appropriate eating and workout routine she will follow in my footsteps because I sure don’t want her following them right now.
I am smiling and feeling good just sitting here typing this and thinking about what my future holds for me and my family. Maybe just maybe I might enjoy being in family pictures again.
A change is in the air
Working out and Bike riding
Working out: Those are two words that strike fear in me. I am the number one person for finding the excuses for NOT working out. Why is it so hard to get motivated to work out. I have a great treadmill in the basement just waiting to be used for more than a clothes rack. Heck I even have free weights that still look brand new, that could be because they have only been used a handful of times. I am looking for a weight bench that I can use with them. I have several dvd’s that are supposed to make you have fun while working out LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Maybe to someone that is more into a daily workout routine finds them fun but I am not there yet.
I would love to get to a point where I can get up and get my oldest off on the bus and put the baby back down for a nap and walk on the treadmill but again the queen of excuses can come up with a million of them. I know that they say the first 2 weeks of anything are the hardest but if you can get past that it gets easier. That maybe true but I get a few days into it and I think that i am going to make it and then I skip a day and it all falls apart again. It may take me several weeks to get back up the gumption to tackle the treadmill again. I am hoping and praying that someday I will be able to get up and start working out everyday and be happy with myself again.
Bike riding: Oh when I hear these 2 words I start to laugh. Steve loves to get his bike out and hit the tow path. He can ride forever and has rode forever as he did a 100 mile ride last year in a ride for MS. The ride started out in Cleveland and ended in Sandusky. It was called Pedal to the Point. His love for biking as landed in our oldest daughters heart. She at the ripe old age of 4 started out on one of of those tiny little bikes with training wheels and was right out of the gate riding 3-5 miles. Her buddy Max the bear would always be riding shotgun in the basket. She has now moved on up to a 20inch bike and her last ride last year at the age of 5 was 42 miles. The girl is amazing. She wants to do a 50 miler this year! SHE IS 6!!! Even our youngest loves to be pulled around in the bike trailer. Steve puts the trailer on the back of his bike and away they go! She loves it and starts laughing and giggling as they go bouncing down the trails.
So by now you will have noticed that I have not talked about me in any of this. That is because until they figure out how to put a full sized, honest to goodness tractor seat on my bike I will not be riding any time soon. I can only handle having a bike seat stuck in a place that it should not be for a very very short time. When I ride the seat becomes lost in a sea of butt blobs. I really find no fun in riding and because of that I do not go out and enjoy the nice days with my family. Which once again I find myself keeping the couch company and keeping my fingers in shape using the remote. I have heard my oldest daughter say things like I wish mommy would come ride with us, that hurts. I always say maybe next time but that next time never comes. Last year I did go on (and I still can’t believe that I did) a 20 mile ride. We went with friends of ours and their son. It was an absolute beautiful day! I went because I did not want to be left our of every single thing that comes along but I was miserable almost from the minute we started and tried very hard not to let everyone know that I was in pain and not having a good time. I have not been back on my bike since.
While on the topic of riding bikes lets switch it to the motorized bikes.. Motorcycles as a matter of fact. Steve and I share a love of riding motorcycles. I have a 20+yr old bike that is a nice commuter bike but is awful for spending the day on or even taking a trip on. My back and tail bone just started hurting thinking about taking a trip. Steve has an 05’ BMW motorcycle that rides like a caddie! Love that bike. We have taken a few long distance trips on it and I know he is not comfy because I have to push on him which throws his riding style all out of whack. He is always sweet and tells me is fine but I know better. I know that my weight is preventing him from having a fun ride. This is just another big reason that I need to ditch the weight again. Sounds so easy doesn’t it. Wish it was.
The after effects of not being accountable
After I dropped 76lbs and many many pants sizes and looking like I had not in YEARS, I was happy! The happiest I had been for as long as I can remember! But old habits are hard to get rid of and I slowly started having the weight creep back on. I guess I just got lazy, I went back into my old set ways… why…. because that was so much easier. In the back of my mind I knew what was happening but yet I did nothing to stop it. We started talking about having another child and by the time we found out we were pregnant again I had gained back 40 pounds. Again I got into that mind set of I am pregnant and I can eat what I want when I want. At the time our 2nd daughter was born I had managed to put back on 65lbs. I was able to lose 15 of that but now I am at a number that I am stuck at.
I know what I need to do but without that one thing to hold me accountable for what I am eating and keeping me going I am not ever going to lose the weight. I have had people who were very nice and trying to be helpful tell me what I need to do and I just smile and say yeah your right but I very quickly erase it from my mind. I had thought about having Steve be the one t hold me accountable but it does not work due to they just are not tough enough or they just don’t want to hurt my feelings. Awww that is so sweet but not what I need to get through this. Steve is working on trying to get some thing set up at our church that just might do the trick! Fingers crossed and see if it will turn into something.
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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of LA Weight Loss
As with everything there are the good, the bad and the ugly of it. Even with all the good this program had the bad and the ugly were much stronger and ended what had worked for me. I started this journey with LA in 2006 and was on it for a little over a year. Now I lost the weight by doing nothing more than just learning portion control. I did NOT one little thing of exercise.
The Good:
They showed you what you should eat in a day for your weight and you weight goals.
You get a book that shows you what you can eat and the amount of that food.
You get another book that you write you daily meals in and your weights at the top.
You weigh in every visit so you knew if you were on the right road. When you weighed in, which in my case was always a source of anxiety. When I saw the numbers going the right way I could breath easier.
You had a counselor to talk to about your problems, issues, questions, likes and dislikes.
I lost 76 pounds on this program.
The big thing that I truly loved about going to LA Weight Loss was the fact that you were being held accountable to someone.
The Bad:
When they had new items or you were running low on your supplies, they became very VERY pushy for you to spend more money.
They would try to make you feel like you would or could not lose weight without all their stuff (snack bars, soups, drinks and whatever).
Their supplies were so expensive.
If you would tell them no on anything they would get nasty at times. When this started happening I would just take my husband with me and they would still be pushy but not as nasty to me. I would start getting very frustrated with the program when this happened.
The Ugly:
One of the last times I ever went in to the store I had hit my goal weight but I still wanted to lose more. You could tell that something was going on but you just could not put a finger on it. I went in and did my normal thing and then they started in on the you need to buy this and that and I told them no I was not interested and they got REALLY nasty. They told me that I had to buy their meal bars and I told them no I was not because I did not have the money and any major buys I sit and talk to my husband about our cash and where it goes. That is when they started telling me just to open a credit card. “SAY WHAT!” I laughed and they told me that I do not have to even let my husband know that I opened a credit card. I was floored. I left and called Steve right away and we together went back up and got everything that we were owed and left and never went back. Less than a week later they were closed and the company had gone out of business! I wonder why they went out of business.
I left there with my cookbooks as well as my pocket booklets that said what and how much I could eat in a day. So one would think that I would have been able to keep the weight off or maybe even lose more…. BUT oh no not me. Sigh…. In my mind I would not put the weight back on but while I lived in that twisted little fantasy, reality was working in the opposite direction and I had no idea. It is truly amazing at how blind one can be when they chose NOT to see what is going on right in front of their eyes!!!
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What made me decide on trying LA WeightLoss.
One thing that would become to be a major change in my life happened 16 years ago. I meet a guy who would become my husband. He could see beyond my outer shell and see who I was. He was the first person (outside of family) who cared to even try. While my change of losing weight would be slow and long he stuck with me through it all. After 5 years of marriage we started trying for a family. With in weeks we found out we were pregnant! That was the biggest high I had ever felt!!!! However 9 weeks later that all came crashing down around me with the lose of the pregnancy. Here came that depression bug again. However Steve was right there by my side and after a small break we tried again and it worked!
This next pregnancy was not without its issues. Several weeks into it I was having major issues. I was in and out of the hospital several times thinking we were losing this baby also. Then came bed rest for about 2 weeks. That is something that helps an already overweight person that has nothing to do but lay around and graze on junk food. After the bed rest I was told that I was on a lifting restriction for the next 7 months. I might not have been able to lift boxes and help move into our new home but by golly I could open up a chip bag and eat, after all I was pregnant did that not give me the right to eat like a horse. The weight was pilling up and I was blind to it. When our beloved little daughter was born I was getting really close to that 300lb line. WOW! When she was 3 months old we took my sister-n-law and went to Cedar Point and a picture was taken of me and I was mortified. It was at that point that I HAD to and NEEDED to make a change. I suddenly was noticing how bad my knees, hips and legs were hurting. I could not climb the stairs without becoming so winded that I had to stop at the top to catch my breath.
I finally sat down with Steve and said I gotta do something and I can not do it alone I NEED HELP MAJOR HELP. We together decided that I was going to do the LA Weight loss program. This in itself was a great thing and a bad thing. When we went up there for the first time and signed up and I stepped on the scales for the very first time I thought I was going to pass out. Those evil numbers said 276lbs. OMGosh! Having the baby only allowed me to drop 15lbs. I was crushed, I was sad, scared, ashamed, depressed (again). How could I have let myself get this way, how could I do this to my family. I wanted to run across the street and get my Chick-fil-a. After getting all my stuff that would kick start my “weight loss” we headed home. I was trying to have a positive attitude about my new journey but I was having a hard time seeing the new future.
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A Long History of Weight Problems
For as long as I can remember I was overweight. I had a major love of Pizza and Milk. It was nothing for me to eat a slice of pizza and then another and another and while at it I could and would drink a full gallon of milk. I would say that I did this as I was in a funk or a depression while I was in school. I hated school as a lot of kids have and do. Kids are mean and they really have no idea that their actions play a major role in how others view their own lives. The day I graduated was a great day because I no longer had to see or deal with these kids. However the damage was done as my eating patterns were very deeply engraved in my head
After I was out of school I knew where my life was heading and it was heading straight into EMT and Fire school. I was following in my families foot steps. As the years went by the weight would just slowly creep on. I guess you don’t see it because you see yourself everyday but it only takes one thing to make that weight smack you in the head and say “Hey dumby look what you have done to yourself!” That is what happened to me when I tried to put on a favorite outfit and it just did not fit. At that point I think the depression hit a little harder. I started to give up on the idea of ever being pretty or thinner ever again. I was just having a very hard time getting out of the mind set of what and how I was eating. When you start to give up you just eat more.