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Lets try this again.

  • Posted on September 23, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Hello!  I know it has been a long time since I wrote last.  I have no excuse for it.  But I need to get back at it and I need the support from all my family and friends.  I have been feeling a little down in the dumps again and it is affecting me in more than one way.  I have been putting weight on instead of taking it off, just can not find the get up and go to start walking on the treadmill again and just feeling like I am going around in circles and not getting anywhere.  Has anyone been in this trap?  If you have, what finally snapped in your head to changed it?  I would love to hear your story.

I have gone and cleaned up the playroom/workout room/basement so that I can be on the treadmill while the kids play and I can still keep a close eye on them.  I guess that would be considered Step 1.  Step 2 would be using it, but it is way easier to say I can start tomorrow.  I have been trying to change my life in very small stages to make it more focused on my family.  I love my friends dearly (and a few are more like family than friends.  I don’t know if these folks know that they mean so much to me.  I think I need to make a point to let them know it!)  As I said I love my friends but my I need to refocus my energy on my husband and kids.  They are my life and the sole reason to live, love and do it healthy and right!

I am so blessed that my husband is much healthier and in better shape because he has showed our oldest daughter the right path to take.  They are bicycle riding buddies and they well put easily 40 to 50 miles in a good days ride.  She is 6 yrs old and loves every turn of the pedals!  Steve thank you!

I do hope to get back into writing more again.  I did enjoy that and it seemed to help me a lot to hear from everyone.

Sometimes I wish I could just get control of my mind. My mind is my worst enemy. I think way too much, and I allow my thoughts to defeat me even before I have a chance to succeed.  I am praying for guidance and peace in my life. I want to be healthy in mind, body and spirit.

I have taken my measurements again as well as my starting weight (again) and tomorrow morning I will start this journey all over again.  I know I can do it I just need to find that path through the deep dark woods that will take me to the sun filled fields.  Like a guy that Steve loves to listen to on his Ipod (Dave Ramsey) says… Baby steps.  Everything in baby steps!

 

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Working out and Bike riding

  • Posted on February 25, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Working out: Those are two words that strike fear in me. I am the number one person for finding the excuses for NOT working out. Why is it so hard to get motivated to work out. I have a great treadmill in the basement just waiting to be used for more than a clothes rack. Heck I even have free weights that still look brand new, that could be because they have only been used a handful of times. I am looking for a weight bench that I can use with them. I have several dvd’s that are supposed to make you have fun while working out LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Maybe to someone that is more into a daily workout routine finds them fun but I am not there yet.

I would love to get to a point where I can get up and get my oldest off on the bus and put the baby back down for a nap and walk on the treadmill but again the queen of excuses can come up with a million of them. I know that they say the first 2 weeks of anything are the hardest but if you can get past that it gets easier. That maybe true but I get a few days into it and I think that i am going to make it and then I skip a day and it all falls apart again. It may take me several weeks to get back up the gumption to tackle the treadmill again. I am hoping and praying that someday I will be able to get up and start working out everyday and be happy with myself again.

Bike riding: Oh when I hear these 2 words I start to laugh. Steve loves to get his bike out and hit the tow path. He can ride forever and has rode forever as he did a 100 mile ride last year in a ride for MS. The ride started out in Cleveland and ended in Sandusky. It was called Pedal to the Point. His love for biking as landed in our oldest daughters heart. She at the ripe old age of 4 started out on one of of those tiny little bikes with training wheels and was right out of the gate riding 3-5 miles. Her buddy Max the bear would always be riding shotgun in the basket. She has now moved on up to a 20inch bike and her last ride last year at the age of 5 was 42 miles. The girl is amazing. She wants to do a 50 miler this year! SHE IS 6!!! Even our youngest loves to be pulled around in the bike trailer. Steve puts the trailer on the back of his bike and away they go! She loves it and starts laughing and giggling as they go bouncing down the trails.

So by now you will have noticed that I have not talked about me in any of this. That is because until they figure out how to put a full sized, honest to goodness tractor seat on my bike I will not be riding any time soon. I can only handle having a bike seat stuck in a place that it should not be for a very very short time. When I ride the seat becomes lost in a sea of butt blobs. I really find no fun in riding and because of that I do not go out and enjoy the nice days with my family. Which once again I find myself keeping the couch company and keeping my fingers in shape using the remote. I have heard my oldest daughter say things like I wish mommy would come ride with us, that hurts. I always say maybe next time but that next time never comes. Last year I did go on (and I still can’t believe that I did) a 20 mile ride. We went with friends of ours and their son. It was an absolute beautiful day! I went because I did not want to be left our of every single thing that comes along but I was miserable almost from the minute we started and tried very hard not to let everyone know that I was in pain and not having a good time. I have not been back on my bike since.

While on the topic of riding bikes lets switch it to the motorized bikes.. Motorcycles as a matter of fact. Steve and I share a love of riding motorcycles. I have a 20+yr old bike that is a nice commuter bike but is awful for spending the day on or even taking a trip on. My back and tail bone just started hurting thinking about taking a trip. Steve has an 05’ BMW motorcycle that rides like a caddie! Love that bike. We have taken a few long distance trips on it and I know he is not comfy because I have to push on him which throws his riding style all out of whack. He is always sweet and tells me is fine but I know better. I know that my weight is preventing him from having a fun ride. This is just another big reason that I need to ditch the weight again. Sounds so easy doesn’t it. Wish it was.

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The after effects of not being accountable

  • Posted on February 24, 2011 at 9:53 pm

After I dropped 76lbs and many many pants sizes and looking like I had not in YEARS, I was happy! The happiest I had been for as long as I can remember! But old habits are hard to get rid of and I slowly started having the weight creep back on. I guess I just got lazy, I went back into my old set ways… why…. because that was so much easier. In the back of my mind I knew what was happening but yet I did nothing to stop it. We started talking about having another child and by the time we found out we were pregnant again I had gained back 40 pounds. Again I got into that mind set of I am pregnant and I can eat what I want when I want. At the time our 2nd daughter was born I had managed to put back on 65lbs. I was able to lose 15 of that but now I am at a number that I am stuck at.

I know what I need to do but without that one thing to hold me accountable for what I am eating and keeping me going I am not ever going to lose the weight. I have had people who were very nice and trying to be helpful tell me what I need to do and I just smile and say yeah your right but I very quickly erase it from my mind. I had thought about having Steve be the one t hold me accountable but it does not work due to they just are not tough enough or they just don’t want to hurt my feelings. Awww that is so sweet but not what I need to get through this. Steve is working on trying to get some thing set up at our church that just might do the trick! Fingers crossed and see if it will turn into something.

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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of LA Weight Loss

  • Posted on February 24, 2011 at 10:03 am

As with everything there are the good, the bad and the ugly of it. Even with all the good this program had the bad and the ugly were much stronger and ended what had worked for me. I started this journey with LA in 2006 and was on it for a little over a year. Now I lost the weight by doing nothing more than just learning portion control. I did NOT one little thing of exercise.

The Good:
They showed you what you should eat in a day for your weight and you weight goals.
You get a book that shows you what you can eat and the amount of that food.
You get another book that you write you daily meals in and your weights at the top.
You weigh in every visit so you knew if you were on the right road. When you weighed in, which in my case was always a source of anxiety. When I saw the numbers going the right way I could breath easier.
You had a counselor to talk to about your problems, issues, questions, likes and dislikes.
I lost 76 pounds on this program.
The big thing that I truly loved about going to LA Weight Loss was the fact that you were being held accountable to someone.

The Bad:
When they had new items or you were running low on your supplies, they became very VERY pushy for you to spend more money.
They would try to make you feel like you would or could not lose weight without all their stuff (snack bars, soups, drinks and whatever).
Their supplies were so expensive.
If you would tell them no on anything they would get nasty at times. When this started happening I would just take my husband with me and they would still be pushy but not as nasty to me. I would start getting very frustrated with the program when this happened.

The Ugly:
One of the last times I ever went in to the store I had hit my goal weight but I still wanted to lose more. You could tell that something was going on but you just could not put a finger on it. I went in and did my normal thing and then they started in on the you need to buy this and that and I told them no I was not interested and they got REALLY nasty. They told me that I had to buy their meal bars and I told them no I was not because I did not have the money and any major buys I sit and talk to my husband about our cash and where it goes. That is when they started telling me just to open a credit card. “SAY WHAT!” I laughed and they told me that I do not have to even let my husband know that I opened a credit card. I was floored. I left and called Steve right away and we together went back up and got everything that we were owed and left and never went back. Less than a week later they were closed and the company had gone out of business! I wonder why they went out of business.

I left there with my cookbooks as well as my pocket booklets that said what and how much I could eat in a day. So one would think that I would have been able to keep the weight off or maybe even lose more…. BUT oh no not me. Sigh…. In my mind I would not put the weight back on but while I lived in that twisted little fantasy, reality was working in the opposite direction and I had no idea. It is truly amazing at how blind one can be when they chose NOT to see what is going on right in front of their eyes!!!

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A Long History of Weight Problems

  • Posted on February 23, 2011 at 12:04 pm


For as long as I can remember I was overweight.  I had a major love of Pizza and Milk.  It was nothing for me to eat a slice of pizza and then another and another and while at it I could and would drink a full gallon of milk.  I would say that I did this as I was in a funk or a depression while I was in school.  I hated school as a lot of kids have and do.  Kids are mean and they really have no idea that their actions play a major role in how others view their own lives.  The day I graduated was a great day because I no longer had to see or deal with these kids.  However the damage was done as my eating patterns were very deeply engraved in my head

After I was out of school I knew where my life was heading and it was heading straight into EMT and Fire school.  I was following in my families foot steps.  As the years went by the weight would just slowly creep on.  I guess you don’t see it because you see yourself everyday but it only takes one thing to make that weight smack you in the head and say “Hey dumby look what you have done to yourself!”  That is what happened to me when I tried to put on a favorite outfit and it just did not fit.  At that point I think the depression hit a little harder.  I started to give up on the idea of ever being pretty or thinner ever again. I was just having a very hard time getting out of the mind set of what and how I was eating.  When you start to give up you just eat more.

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